I think my biggest enemy is me: a journal entry (5)

 

This song is somewhat related to today's post. It's the song I thought about when writing this. No clue why, but I hope you guys like it! :))

     When I made my video titled “I’m a loser and that’s okay,” I didn’t think much of it at the time. I just wanted to make a video and talk shit, putting my thoughts out there. I said something about wanting to get things done and wanting more out of life…and to be honest, I haven’t done shit since I made that video. I haven’t accomplished anything, nor have I actually tried. For a long time, I blamed everything under the sun. I blamed my family, my old friends; I blamed people who were no longer here or in my life, and not once did I blame myself.

    Now, don’t get me wrong, I went through some bullshit. I’ve had things happen to me, and I know I didn’t deserve them. My point is, people have contributed to the bad in my life, but I’m the one who’s not moving. I’m the one who’s not getting my shit together, and after a while, you can’t blame anybody anymore. My biggest enemy is me. There are so many things I want to do in my life; there are so many people I want to talk to and be close with, but it’s not happening…and that’s on me. The part that makes me feel like a dumbass is knowing that I’m capable, and just not moving. I know that I can do shit, but I won’t do shit. It’s like seeing everyone around you walking, and you’re just standing still for some dumbass reason. 

    When I have thoughts like this, I try not to compare. I genuinely have the coolest friends ever. All of them are doing well and will continue to do so, but at the same time, I’m not them. I have my flaws just like they have theirs. I want to change, but unfortunately, wanting doesn’t mean shit; I actually have to start doing shit. LMAO

- P.S. Depression is a bitch. Fuck them! 

- CD ★