This is somewhat related to the post; it was the song that was playing when I wrote this. This is one of my favorite MIKE songs, so I hope y'all like it too. :)))
Honestly, September has been nothing but a long-ass humbling session. A lot of stupid shit happened; I fucked up my car, my mental health was at its lowest point, I was barely here mentally, and to top it off, I got fucking sick. It feels like the universe is just telling me to shut the fuck up and sit down. Like, goddamn, I did not catch a break. It's just been weeks of beating myself up and trying to be perfect. The same shit that was holding me back; the same shit I critiqued myself for- I let it happen again.
I try my hardest...I think. Look, when I said I was my biggest enemy, I meant that shit. Growing up, I let so many things hold me back. Now, as an adult, I let everyone's opinion of my life tear me down...Sometimes, I let them stop me from making the decisions I want to make. I can write all I want, but the truth is I haven't changed. Sure, I can blame other people, but I'm the only one living with my decisions. No one else is going through my shit but me. A part of me wants to be angry, but what good would that do? I barely have anything going on; no job, no money, nigga, I'm barely here to begin with. Spending all this time trying to impress people so they don't criticize me- it's tiring, and I don't know why I can't see that. The best way I can describe people-pleasing is watching yourself turn into a broken record; you keep playing the same songs so people can dance, and they don't give a fuck, as long as you can play music. Actually, that might be a corny way to look at it. lmao
- CD ★
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