Maybe I daydream too much: a journal entry (4)

 

This song is kind of related to the post? I was listening to this song when I was making this journal entry. Hope you guys like it. :)))

    I gotta be honest, ever since I started my blog, it seems like I've unlocked something in myself. I think I know why too; this is the first time I've given myself space. I gave myself a chance to see what I wanted to do, how I see myself outside of what people want from me. I know I said this before, but I was a traditional and digital artist before I started all of this shit. Don't get me wrong, I was decent with it. I was good at replicating, drawing what I saw, but I wasn't actually making anything I liked. When I started writing and putting my feelings into words, it felt like I learned something new about myself. Actually, it feels like I'm reintroducing the idea of who and what I am. As much as I reflect, this is why I say I don't regret anything that's led me up to here. Doing all this shit made me realize how many ideas I actually had and just never went through with any of them. Before I was blogging, I daydreamed so many things I could do as an artist. I can't even describe them all, but I would just sit with the idea in my mind, and it never left my head. I think by giving myself the space to do what I want, it makes me more confident and eager...? Every idea I have, I can throw it out confidently now. Do I still question myself? Yes, but it's nothing like before. The best way I can describe my artistry is hunger. I want more; I always have. I knew since I was little that I wanted to do more and I wanted more out of my life. I was never comfortable with doing just one thing. I genuinely want to do everything. Ever since I let myself be, I have so many ideas come to my head; eventually, I'm going to get to a point where I can't ignore them anymore. I'm sick of letting things sit in my head...and I'm fucking hungry. I want to get better at what I do. I want to be acknowledged. I want to be heard; and with all the ideas in my head, I know something is going to stick. Maybe that's too confident, but I don't think I care anymore. It's not like I have anything else to do LMAO.  

- CD ★